Christmas In Disguise!
by DecepticonGirl6
Summary: The real operation behind X-Mas, and Santa Clause: Santa Prime. A hilariously crazy fic explaning how the awesome Christmas holiday REALLY works...in disguise, with giant alien robots! Christmas Carol included! You know you want to read...do it! XD


_Christmas in Disguise!  
A Totally Crazy Explanation of Christmas by AutobotGirl6!_

"Heh heh heh…" Mitchell Randall grinned, laughing to himself as he spit into the sugar cookie mix, making sure to pour a little vinegar into it for taste.

"Aw, crap…" He heard his mom returning to the kitchen with a cookie sheet, and he quickly scrambled away, smirking to himself. "Those people at the church will never know what hit them THIS Christmas!"

Mrs. Randall hummed to herself, baking her Christmas cookies for the Christmas Bake Sale happily, not even knowing that they were actually disgusting vinegar, boy saliva cookies…

Gross.

_'Aww, that kid is an asshole…'_ Someone thought, as they watched the mother remove the cookies from the oven, packing them into a plastic container. _'That's just not right… He's getting coal for Christmas!'_

**_Later that Night….._**

_'Okay, time to go back to base!'_ The toaster in the corner of the kitchen transformed, revealing a small robot.

**'Hey, Soundwave…**' It whispered through its COM-link. **'This is Snowflake reporting. I'm ready to be taken to base.'**

**'Affirmative. I will be there in less than a cycle.'**

Snowflake smiled, jumping out the window above the sink and into the cold snow, running to meet up with Soundwave, another transforming robot that was a blue H2 Hummer.

"So, how was your fleshling this year?" Soundwave swung his door open, letting Snowflake climb in beside many other small robots.

"The Randall kid? Yeah, he was a total jerk this year."

"Looks like Santa Prime is going to need more coal."

"Heh, with the way humans are these days, he'll need TONS."

Soundwave laughed, driving to the edge of town. He opened his door once more, letting all of the little transformers climb out and pile into the snow.

"Ravage, Buzzsaw, Laserbeak, Ratbat, Frenzy, and Rumble, eject. Operation: Take the Elf-Bots to the North Pole."

"Affirmative, Soundwave!" Frenzy saluted as he, Rumble, and Ravage transformed into reindeer, while the other three mechs hovered in the air.

The six Reindeer-Cons loaded their charges onto their backs, before lifting off into the sky, zooming for the North Pole at their top speeds.

**_A while later….._**

All of the Elf-Bots and Reindeer-Cons walked into the giant base by the millions, all reporting in to their leader…Santa Prime.

"Ho, ho, ho!"

Santa Prime rumbled, looking to Snowflake. "We'll just have to put that boy on the naughty list! What number does that make?" He leaned over, looking to Elita Clause, his secretary and wife.

"Three million…"

"Dear Primus…." Santa Prime grumbled, pinching the bridge of his olfactory sensor. "We could be using those fossil fuels to make GAS! Do these kids know how bad the economy is BECAUSE of the effort to find gas?! And do THEY KNOW how we need this stuff! We work all year long, but we use fossil fuels to make coal for naughty fleshie younglings, not for refueling! Bunch of unappreciative brats! I should squish 'em all!"

Everyone stared at him, their optics wide.

"What I meant to say was….uh…..so sad that so many kids are bad these days?"

Elita Clause shrugged. "You could give them nothing instead of coal?"

"OR…" Starscream smirked, walking into the scene. "You could hire me to slag all of the naughty younglings! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"No, Starscream!" Megatron, making a Barbie doll at a nearby table, leapt up, smacking Starscream upside the head and sending him flying.

"WATCH IT!" A nearby Elf-Bot screamed, waving his arms. "His butt nearly broke our small ration of presents!!!"

"My bad…" Megatron sat back down, working back on his doll as Starscream walked up to Santa Prime.

"So, Santa…?" Starscream gave a dark grin. "Like my idea?"

"No," Santa Prime glared, repressing his desire to smack him. "And I already have all the coal ready so…"

"You don't have to use the coal," Snowflake pointed out.

"No one asked for your opinion!" Santa Prime growled, his gaze darkening. "Now shut up and go make some dolls….and trains….and all that other slag kids want these days!"

Snowflake slumped over, walking to a nearby work station. "Yes sir… I'll start on making the PS3.…"

"PS3?" Starscream piped up, "I'll get a kid a freakin' PS-1,000,000,000,000!!!!"

"What the frag is that?"

"It's like a PS3...just much more advanced and what not. Of course, it's Cybertronian, built by me!"

"No one cares…. Get Back to monitor duty, before I shrink you down and demote you to Elf-Bot!"

"Like what happened to Megatron!?"

"HEY," Megatron, who was painted green and red, and very short, looked to his, _ahem_, superior. "Shut up."

"Frag you, mini bot! You're even more small than Bumblebee! More pathetic too!"

"Awww… That hurt…" Megatron sniffled, getting back to work.

"Now, get back to work!" Santa Prime commanded, clapping his servos. "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and we most certainly need to be ready! I need, like, three Elf-Bots working on presents, the rest of you go and mine for more coal!"

_**Christmas Eve….**_

"I wish to thank all of you for helping me to get Christmas ready!" Santa Prime grinned, preparing to leave. "Merry Christmas to all of you! I will return at dawn!"

That moment, millions of holographic Santa Primes appeared on the launch pad, each grabbing up an armful of presents….or coal.

"And off we go…." The robots chorused, lifting into the air with their thrusters. The ascended into the air, each scattering across the sky to go to different places.

Relying on reports given by rogue Elf-Bots, all of the Santa Primes delivered a present or a piece of coal to all of the human children of Earth.

At the crack of dawn, all of the holographic Cybertronians rose back into the air, materializing away from view as the one true Santa Prime returned to the North Pole, crying, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

"And happy Kwanzaa! And Happy Hanukah! And Winter Solstice! And all of the other holidays! And a happy New Year's!" Starscream's voice rang out, followed by manical laughter.

"SHUT UP, STARSCREAM!" Santa Prime returned to base, smacking Starscream in the face.

"Ohhhhh!" All the Elf-Bots cried. "You got served! Bitchslapped!"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP TOO!"

All of the Elf-Bots shrunk back, blinking. "Sorry, sir!"

"Now," Santa Prime turned to Elita Clause. "I need me some damn good Oil Nog after this long aft night."

"Why?"

Santa Prime frowned, presenting a letter,

_Dear Santa Clause,  
Screw you. I just know youre fake, and ur actually jus my mom. I hope she get relly pissed wen she be reading this, cuz I hate her. I HOPE U DIE, Santa Clause! And make sure to bring ME some dam cookees and milk, and some hawt babes! :D_

_~Terry Rivera_

"Don't you just hate kids like that?" Santa Prime growled. "I'm not Santa CLAUSE, I'm SANTA PRIME. And that kid was one big jerk, all he did was bad mouth me and his mom! So disrespectful!"

"He couldn't even spell right…" Elita Clause said, shaking her head sullenly.

"Yeah, he must be a real dumb aft!" A nearby Elf-Bot laughed.

"It's okay though, because I left him a letter too…." Santa Prime smirked.

"What did it say, honey?"

"Oh….nothing."

_Dear Terry DUMBASS,  
You are a disrespectful little twerp, and I wish I could randomly show up at your house, and scare the living slag out of you. You need to learn how to behave, pay attention in school, and actually have some worth. I will be praying to Primus that your life improves…even though it won't._

_Sincerely, Santa Prime_

"I'll take your word for it…." Elita Clause replied, shrugging.

"Now, let's go. We'll go get everyone some high grade, and have a well deserved recharge!"

"THANK PRIMUS!!!"

That morning….

"What the heck?!" Mitchell Randall gaped, holding a giant lump of coal with a note taped to it.

His mom laughed, picking up the 'Naughty Boy Gift.' "Dear Youngling, you have been naughty this year. That's why you got coal. It is your fault that the American Economy is so fragging bad. Signed, Santa P." The mom read it aloud, her eyes going wide.

"What the heck? I don't remember Santa doing this before…"

"Is it really my fault?!" Mitchell cried, looking at his mother sullenly.

"Yes, Mitchell, it is…" A voice echoed from the toaster making both of the humans look at it, their eyes wide and mouths agape.

"Oops, I meant: YOUR TOAST IS READY! DING!"

_**Things you now know…..**_

_**1) Santa does exist, but is in fact a giant alien robot from the planet Cybertron named Santa Prime!**_

_**2) You are under constant surveillance by Elf-Bots. They are disguised, and in your home. You never know where they are, but you should always be good, or they'll tell Santa Prime to give you coal instead of a PS1,000,000,000,000!**_

_**3) Santa does travel the world in a single night, using holograms!**_

_**4) All of you naughty kids are the reason that gas prices are so high! If Santa Prime didn't have to use all that coal for all of you naughty younglings, there would be more gas for humanity!!!**_

_**5) This was a very random story….**_

_**IS IT TRUTH!? Who knows….? Doesn't it all make sense?**_

_**SHARE THIS STORY WITH YOUNG CHILDREN. Just ex out any and all curse words.**_

_A/N: That was so…random. I wanted to write a Christmas fiction, and I wrote this at 4:00 AM…. O.o I had a dream, so I totally wrote it down, made it into a story, and posted it here! I tried a little hard, so I really hoped you thought it was funny and enjoyed it!!! Please, read and review, BUT NO FLAMES!!!!! If you don't flame, you get a virtual energon Christmas cookie!!! C-ya later!_

_P.S. The letter, from Terry Rivera…. He's a kid at my school that is always bullying me. I guess you can say that he is the one that made my life...go into the dark, and into a downward spiral. I'm sorry, but I really DO hate him. I know it's not much, but I just wrote the letter in his name. *shrug* I don't really care.... None of you will never see him anyways... Just wanted to make a point that bullies suck, Terry is actually pretty stupid, and all bullies deserve coal!_

_Okay, I'm done…. I'm sorry. Please read and review! See you guys later! -waves and passes out energon cookies.- XD I have issues….especially at -looks at clock.- 4:46 AM…. XD -passes out- Hope you enjoyed my story! And my long aft A/N! lol_

_MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBOT! Here's a little present...!_

**_You better watch out  
You better not fight  
Better not pout  
I'm telling you why_**

**_Santa Prime is coming to Earth!_**

**_He's making a list  
And checking it twice  
Gonna find out  
Who's naughty and nice_**

**_Santa Prime is coming to Earth_**

**_He sees you when you're in stasis lock  
He knows when you're awake  
He knows if you've been a Autobot or 'Con_**

**_So be a good bot for goodness sake!_**

**_O! You better watch out!  
You better not fight  
Better not pout  
I'm telling you why_**

_**Santa Prime is coming to Earth!  
Santa Prime is coming to Earth!  
**_

_And I hope you enjoyed my original Christmas carol, Santa Prime Is Coming to Earth, as well! XD_


End file.
